Writing Spree

Here’s the deal.  I need to write right now, so I don’t care if you read this or not.  It’s going to turn out to be a rant, so prepare for the worst.  Anyway, I don’t usually make my feelings or my emotions public.  Ever.  I hate doing so.  But tonight, as I remember the blog I have forgotten about a long time ago, I feel the need to write.  Just write for a while.  I’m probably going to regret this later on in life, but at the moment I really don’t care.  I feel horrible right now.  Like I need to rip my arms off or something.  The biggest problem is that I feel like I’m returning to the same status I confronted freshman year, also known as the horrors of Denver Christian.  Back when I literally felt sick to my stomach each morning when I thought about going to school in a few hours.  Back when I had no friends and when I was the enemy and target of all.  Back when I came home from a terrible day at school to meet my parents who wished I was never born.  I thought my life had been gradually getting better, but I was surely wrong.  Everything is taking a turn for the worse now.  I feel miserable at school again.  There’s hardly anything to look forward to other than a couple of friends, and you know who you are.  Despite the fact that I made a new start at a new school, I can’t get along with any of the other students at all.  Even my friends are turning away from me.  I’m far too concerned about what other people think of me that I can’t be happy with the way I am or show my true self to the public, thanks to my mother and my therapist.  I completely lack any possible social skills, and I know that I will never learn them in my life simply because it is too late for me.  I am unmotivated to do any of my writing or other hobbies anymore.  The only things that will get me out of bed in the morning are my prerecorded episodes of Transformers Animated.  My mother completely disregards everything I say to her, and nothing in my life matters to her.  I don’t even know my father anymore.  My brother left for the army and I don’t know what could happen.  I’m angry that I can’t take my girlfriend to the prom or ever go to a public dance with her.  I would wear shorts more often except for the fact that I’m too ashamed of the scars on my legs.  It makes me angry that I am forced to hide myself from the world, but I know in my heart that I have to, and because of that I will always be standing in the shadows of every society.  There’s hardly anything I have to live for anymore, and I know that I will be trapped in this feeling for the rest of my life.  And that’s it.

Hey! Listen!

I’m changing the site!  I might just make this my blog, not my actual site.  I dunno.

We’ll just have to wait and see!

Excited for the Sequel

So, after researching a little bit of information on the intarwebz, I’ve discovered that the planned release date for Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen is on my seventeenth birthday–June 26th, 2009.  I’m so fugging excited!  What a nice birthday present.  But…it’s so far away! D:  I can’t possibly wait that long! NOO!

And yes, I realize that I haven’t been updating this in very long.  I’m actually extremely busy with homework.  No, seriously.  I don’t have time for anything anymore.  Thank god for the weekends.

Anyhow, I’m going to be doing more things up in here.  For starters, I’m going to be posting my stories–on the internet.  O.O  Yes, I know.  I finally got over my little phobia.  No more being a weiner roaster for me.  And also, I think I’ll post Twisted page updates on here.  Yup.  Things are going to be awesome from now on.  And as far as stories go, I am going to be starting with ShizukaRan.

Later!

T-Shirts!!

ZOMG!  I found some AWESOME shirts in the internet that I am dying to get! D:
But I don’t have oodles of money, so I cannot get them all.  :[
Anyway, here they are:

http://www.80stees.com/products/Baa-Weep-Transformers-T-shirt.asp
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG I MUST HAVE THIS!! O:<
And people will stare at it for hours and say, "WTF does that mean??!"
XD

http://www.80stees.com/products/80sTees-Exclusive-Got-The-Touch-Transformers-T-shirt.asp
I think this one is pretty self-explanatory. It's pretty damn awesome.

http://www.80stees.com/products/Traitor-Starscream-Transformers-T-shirt.asp
Hahahaha. Starscream. I want to hug eem.

http://www.80stees.com/products/Botcon-Soundwave-Transformers-T-shirt.asp
This one made me giggle. :D

http://www.noisebot.com/i_made_you_a_cookie_but_i_eated_it_t-shirt.htm
YES.

http://www.noisebot.com/i_has_a_flavor_t-shirt.htm
It's adorable. XD

http://www.noisebot.com/find_x_i_found_it_t-shirt.htm
If only.

http://www.noisebot.com/wherez_mah_bukket_t-shirt.htm
That poor lolrus. D:

http://www.noisebot.com/i_are_on_ur_shirt_waytin_fer_caturday_t-shirt.htm
Caturdaaayyyy :D

 

http://www.noisebot.com/derek_zoolander_center_for_kids_who_cant_read_good_t-shirt.htm
This one's funny. :]

http://www.noisebot.com/im_endangered_gimme_your_cola_t-shirt.htm
But I hate coke!

http://www.cafepress.com/dogs_of_war.240725682#
WE ARE BEING WATCHED!

http://www.cafepress.com/dogs_of_war.258184791
All aboard!

http://www.cafepress.com/dogs_of_war.186319851
And this one, of course.

Well, anyway…that’s it for now.
Oh god, I have that song stuck in my head AGAIN! D:

_{You’ve got the touch!
Bah bah, bah
You’ve got the pooweeerrrrrrrr!!!!
Yeah!
*guitarguitarguitar*}

Taken Or Open. a poem

There was a time in their lives
When the two had joined
Together at the heart.
But he didn’t know it.
He could not see
The beauty
Right before him.
Loneliness parted the pair
And set them into their lives.
She wasn’t sure. He hadn’t known.
She searched, she waited.
Another had come to her broken heart
And lifted her up to fly.
Finally his eyes had been opened
And no longer blind
His heart aches for what he had
And reaches out to snatch it back.
But now there is a ring
On her finger,
And she must turn her head.
Sadly he watches him
Dance and run with her.
Now he has to ask himself,
Did she take my heart or open it?

Christine’s Parents. a poem

Their eyes met across
A banquet table.
One slender man,
One soft woman,
One story they had written.
Running through troubles
And keeping ever close,
They finally wed under the canopy.
His bride asked for adventure,
Something to excite and thrill her.
He took her on a trip,
A place not far and yet
So distant.
He held her close to him,
Whispering every day,
“This is all for you.”
One day she conceived.
And she turned to him and said,
“This is all for you.”
But as the child was born,
Clearly it was not his.
She pleaded with him,
She tried to rescue his love.
But he turned away from her,
He let himself burn and wilt.
His feelings had gone away,
Vanished and rejected.
She gave her heart to him again,
Looking to him with her shining eyes;
It was then that he took her,
He murdered her hard and sweet.
Watched the blood run
Listened to the sizzling.
By morning, he had left for home.

Childhood Is Calling. a poem

Closing in
Enfold in shade
Always lost and dazed.
With singing lullabies
And fading mothers,
We had seen the shape
The world endured.
The softness, the costumes,
The utter anhilation,
To take my hold,
To keep in hiding,
Potential that may lay in truth.
A broken heart
That leads itself from
Uncertainty to death
May never live to see
How the beauty is made.
Cast from mortal
And made from small
It chases Life.
Ages past are calling.

Power Color Meanings

This is a huge part of the manga I’m working on. If you would like to find out what your own power/personality color is, read on!  I may edit and change this from time to time, though.

 

Red: Passion, Energy, Positiveness, Determination. You find meaning in everything, even small things, and put 110% into everything you do. You always look at the bright side of things. When among friends, you are often the bright light and bring laughter to the group and are always fun to be around. The fires inside of you make you to be strong-willed, and you don’t give up easily. Even if you are not physically energetic, you have a mind with a knack for enjoying all aspects of life and are more friendly than most. Those who are around you know that you are always abounding with affection for others and are truly forgiving.

Orange: Independence, Excitement, Humor, Experience. You think for yourself a lot, yet still value opinions of others. You enjoy being your own person and doing things yourself.  Smiles and laughter is your strong point, and you can find amusement in anything.  Everything you know, you’ve learned from personal experience, and you’re never afraid to try new things.

Yellow/Cream: Understanding, Mystery, Stability, Achieving. You are always there for friends, and can easily understand another’s pains, even if not felt for yourself. You are often the one giving the tightest hugs to those who need them, and are not quick to accuse or think badly of anyone. In a chaotic environment, you give stability and always have control of your life and the things you do. Often you are the peace-bringer to fighting friends or during depressing times. You strive to be the best you can be, and truly grasp your potential in all situations. You have excellent self-esteem, and never allow yourself to fall below best. You try to be a positive role model to others, and more than you realize you are truly influential. You tend to be truly mysterious, and enjoy keeping secrets from other people. There is a small number of people that are most close to you, and you share a lot with them. You have a dream of delivering happiness to the world, and truly understand your part to help feed those hungry for justice. You are extremely serious, and at the same time, very complex.

Green: Intelligence, Patience, Maturity, Organization. While others give up a lost cause, you take the time to look at things carefully and check the details. You are very open-minded and are a quick learner. You enjoy correcting the wrong and bringing justice in cruel situations. In all aspects of your life, you are in absolute control. You are an excellent planner and can look ahead and predict things well. Your mind is often the first to pick something up and can analyze things easily, and because of this, you are often found a positive role model by many and are perhaps a trendsetter. More times than you think you are found to be more mature than your age.

Blue: Honor, Truth, Loyalty, Evolution.  Perfectly you understand honoring your friends and loved ones and respect them. You never have problems with trust. Always honest, you are constantly considering what is best for others and enjoy helping out. You would never hurt a friend. More than most people, you understand changes and hidden troubles, and are always listening to outside voices. Though still independent, you mostly rely on loved ones you trust and everything you know you’ve learned from them. Because of this, you have a wide palette of knowledge and understanding.  Some might see it as a downfall, but you have the excellent ability to change.  You control this yourself and you are able to do it quite often.

Purple: Strength, Uniqueness, Creativity, Love. If asked to, you would put down your own life for even a stranger. You always think of others before yourself. You hold a special uniqueness, and often find yourself very different from others. You never back away from a problem or challenge, and would fight until the end. You hold strong morals and trust your own heart and instinct more than anything else. More than seeing, you love to create things, and have an artistic mind. You could never hold ill feelings toward anybody, and see people for who they really are. You are never afraid to be yourself, no mater how far that is from normal. Your heart is filled with compassion, and you are very serious when it comes to love, because you know how beautiful a soul can be.

Pink: Kindness, Generosity, Courage, Happiness. To help is your calling. You are very social, especially with those who hold deep, special, trust bonds. You have excellent control of your emotions, and are able to handle hard things easier than most. You are truly an inspiration to others, and you encourage others to do their best. You are also rather persuasive, and can easily help others to see different points of view, because you yourself are very open-minded. Family is extremely important to you. Joy for you comes from helping and giving to others, and you know how to let someone know how much you care. Not only in your own life, but often in several other areas you are in clean control, as you like to be. And you know exactly how to push yourself, and know your limits and how you would excell. Generally a happy person, it is easy for you to love others. And you’d never let a friend down–you fight for and with them, no matter what! You’re tough as nails!

Silver: Leadership, Skill, Order, Faith. You are very influential on others. So many people look up to you, and you are a guide for several. You have abilities too great to number, and have potential you may not have even discovered yet. You are very strong-hearted and believe in yourself. With friends, you keep the order and set right to wrong. You never go back on promises, which you make a lot. Others have confidence in you, and can easily trust you. And you always believe in miracles, no matter how far-fetched they may seem.

White: Purity, Confidence, Respect, Peace. You are always making the best decisions in your own eyes. Your mind is constantly expanding. Fun is a priority and being somewhat crazy is common, yet you can be very serious when needed to. Your friends can always turn to you. You have your temper under control. You know how to put yourself in other’s shoes, and always give others the proper respect. You often find happiness in simple things, and material things don’t matter to you as much. Even though you enjoy company, you most of the time tend to prefer to be by yourself. You never question your heart.

Caramel: Insight, Memory, Comfort, Self-Esteem.  You love to dance to the beat of your own drum.  But friends are still very important.  You look to yourself when it comes to making decisions, and you rely on no one else to do this.  You are also easily able to see into the depth and truth of things, and for this your navigation in your life is set on the correct road.  You are able to remember things well over long periods of time, and you hold dearest to you things from your past.  Always you feel comfortable in your own shoes and where your actions are taking you.

Teal: Reliability, Healing, Inspiration, Adaptability.  Make your choices wisely, because a lot of people will look up to you for guidance.  You enjoy helping others.  Friends are the most important things in your life, and they shape your thoughts and part of your character.  You are able to provide a safe-haven for others, and can prove to be a good listener.  You work hard for justice.  When troubles or difficult changes arise, it is easier for you than most to adapt and find comfort in even the most uncomfortable situations.

I Just Miss You. a poem

I miss your rare but beautiful smile.
I miss the way you’d make me laugh.
I miss looking into your dark eyes
Or whispering to you how much I love you.
But the truth is harsh, it breaks me.
Never will I be able to
Hold you in my arms
Or tell you truly how I feel.
Because never would this life allow
My heart and soul to be complete.
All I want is to be able to love you,
Love you without obstacles or lies.
Instead I walk in cold and loneliness
Waiting for someone who will never come.
I don’t want to hold false hopes
But I don’t want to be without you.
Maybe in life
Or maybe in death
You’ll truly see
What my heart is feeling.

Death of a Sister

Okay, so it’s my first ever fanfiction I wrote a year ago. And this is just the end of it. (Well…sort of.) Enjoy. Oh yeah, and as a side note, Chelly has telekinesis. Read on!

——————–

Chelly opened her eyes, finding herself back in bed, a cold sweat about her. Looking around, she saw nothing but a dimly lit room with no one in it. Violently, her thoughts raced about in her skull. She couldn’t tame them. They controlled her, drove her.

Then she thought back to her dream from before. It was more like a nightmare. It gave her frightening images of her dead brothers and near dead father. She saw herself only standing, forced to live in pain and guilt forever. But there was a solution. A way to avoid such a tragedy. The events of the future were getting nearer and nearer. If nothing was done soon, they would come true, and Chelly would have been warned for nothing.

But in the nightmare, she saw what was to come. She saw a glimpse of the past, as well, as she witnessed Shredder plunging a dagger into her side. She saw her brothers desperately trying to help her–distracted, detatched. This is what will bring their grim fate, unless the problem is eliminated.

And Chelly was the problem.

She laid in bed, staring endlessly at the ceiling above her, listening to the thoughts in her mind. For a long while she did this, until Raphael came into the room, muttering things to himself. Then he noticed that Chelly was awake, surprised and relieved. He had hope inside of him. “Chelly?” he choked up.

The girl did not respond. She just continued to stare. After several moments of silence, she turned her head and looked at him. She smiled.

“How ya feelin’?” he asked, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Much better,” she answered quietly and in a hoarse voice.

“The others are out, at…in…erm, well I dunno where they are. But they said they’d be back soon.” Raph turned away, scanning the room.

Chelly turned and faced the ceiling again. “You and your brothers are in danger, Raph,” she said bleakly in a now stronger, louder voice. “We have to do something.”

The turtle turned back to her. She had been ranting like this for a while now, ever since Shredder attacked her. No one had a clue what she was talking about, and assumed it was her bad health talking. He tried to ignore her remark.

“More than anything,” Chelly went on, “I want to save my family. There is nothing more important than that, not even my own life.”

She was beginning to make Raphael nervous. Why is she talking like this? he thought. What does she mean?

“You remember the vision I had before. About Kanto and the world of fire. I was determined to prevent that from happening.”

“And you did,” Raphael pointed out.

“But this time, I’m not even sure how I’m going to stop it.”

“Your vision?”

“Yes. No matter what, I must protect my family, Raph. Honor is mandatory.”

Now she was talking about honor. The poor turtle was still baffled as ever, but now more anxious then before. Chelly’s talk was dangerous. What scared him so was how serious she sounded. “What are you talking about?”

“I’d never forgive myself if anything were to happen to you or my brothers or my father. I’m still a part of this family, and it’s my job to protect it.”

“Right now, it’s our job to protect you. You aren’t well,” Raphael responded in a rather snappy voice.

“Time is running short,” she continued, ignoring what Raphael had said. “If nothing is done, only grim things are to follow.”

“If what is done? Chelly, you better start explaining something right now!”

The teen said nothing. She did not look at him, but continued to stare into heaven, trying to sort out her own mind. Several minutes of fearful silence passed. Then Chelly turned to look at Raphael, and lifted her hand into the air. Two steel bars lifted from the wall, squealing as the metal bent and folded around the turtle, restraining him. Desperately, he struggled to free himself, but found his efforts useless against the strong metal.

He looked up. Chelly was moving her hand again. He felt something tug at his belt, and looking down, saw one of his sai being lifted into the air. His eyes widened, as he could do nothing but watch as his weapon slowly sailed next to Chelly. She looked at it, and suspended it above her, letting it twirl and spin a bit.

Raphael now knew what was happening. “Chelly! Stop!” he screamed, trying again to become free.

But she refused to listen. The sai floated above her body. “For honor…and for my family,” she muttered, as Raph could barely catch her words. Then he watched in horror as the weapon flew downwards, its sharp edge diving into her chest. Blood poured from the impact, and Chelly was now gasping for air. She coughed several times. Then she raised her hand into the air, as if there was something above her she was trying to catch. She choked up some blood, and then her hand fell back to her side. Her eyes were now closed, her mouth slightly open.

“Chelly!!” Raphael screamed again. He struggled some more against the steel, and after several minutes, climbed up and slipped out. Running to the bed, he stared at his sai in her body, trying to choke down the situation. Paleness and coldness was wrapped around her, clenching and grasping at her skin and lips. “Chelly?” he said once more. He placed his finger on the upper part of her neck, and felt no pulse. No breathing. No life. Her body was now just a cold object lying in bed in his home.

He wondered how he was going to give the news to his brothers and sensei.